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2005.02.05
... I LOVE RICKY!!! You're my everything baby. And that's never gonna change. You complete me and make me whole. You're my sunshine and the only thing that keeps me going. I've never been so happy to be alive. We're forever...and nothing will come in the way of our dreams. I love you Ricky!! Gina 2004.11.19
Science Project and Lightheadedness I have to write a 4 page paper for Science and so far I only have 3 or something...I need like another page and a half. My partner Zulibette left a few minutes ago...she's so funny..and i learned something new...She's older than me!! lol Her birthday's in Januray and she's turning 16. Amazing. It feels like everyone's older than me...lol So the Rickster and I have been going out for 2 months and 2 days...(and 578 hours..20 minutes..10 seconds...hahanah im messin') I really do love him. He means the world and the stars to me. I think I might be turning him into a quote on quote "bad boy". Least he says I am. Hey! I can't help it...I know I'm kinky. Like today he bit my neck and my ear...woohoo...I loved it. He should definitely do it again...(hint, hint) maybe even harder next time (hint, hint) I wanna get pushed up aganist the wall and just make-out like those crazy people do in movies. God I would love it. And next time he comes over....we have to go back to the cemetary...hehehe:-D Anyway I'm gonna go. I'll try calling him again. He's at his uncles' weddings' rehersal. I love you Ricky!! You truely are my everything! Gina To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. P.S. Can anyone tell me why I get lightheaded all the time? I get these horribile headaches and stuff...it's werid. This happened after my tonsils were removed...do you think maybe I'm still getting used to a tonsil-free throat? Tell me what you think!! 2004.10.23
Monthly Update. As of September 17th, I'm not single!! YAY! So now everyone's gotta meet Ricky. He's soo awesome..I love him so much! Other then that I'm failing like 2 classes. lol. I'm failing English...like usual...but thats an easy C...so i can do that..math is another story...but even though the pr said "passing"..that doesn't mean shit. Ricky's gonna help me with it since he's a genius..lol. He rox my sox! Speakin of Sox...how bout them RED SOX!! YEA BABY!! They're playing an awesome game right now..which I'm missing coz I was terrorizing my sisters outside and writing in this stupid journal. But yea, RED SOX ROCK!! lol. I really hope they win!! My sisters are watching "The Omen" with Nicola and my cousin Courtney..so I went outside with a flashlight and was banging on the windows and doors and ringing doorbells..lol..fun stuff.. Of course after Jennie punched me (she came outside with a knife..pleasant) when I came inside..she went outside with me for the second round. I'm actually thinking of doing it again. God it's hilarious. You should try it sometime. Okay this is about the gayest thing I've ever written so I'm going to ignore what I wrote and what others have wrote and leave. Muahs! Gina 2004.09.11
hm... lol  You Are A Vanilla Flavored Condom!Yummy and easygoing - unless it comes to kinky sex.You innocently seek romance and are often lured into compromising positions. You're the most likely of all flavors to be a virgin. What Flavor Condom Are *You*? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva Nice...lol. Virgin....howd they guess??!! ME. 2004.09.05
Ok..screw the entry that took me an hour to write! I hate this fucking thing!!! I wrote a long ass entry yesterday..and its not there!! If this shows up Im done...i swear. I hate it. 2004.08.27
Ok... Cheer Camp was ridiculously preppy and happy but I still loved it! Definitely improved alot. I went to Maine and had tons of fun reading lol - 5 books in 5 days. (I'm good huh? lol) I had my knee surgery on Thursday, the 26th. I had this large band of tissue that was covering my joint. Dr. Bernadini said it was the biggest he'd ever seen. And he was worried coz I'm only 15. So I guess I'm lucky. My right knee probably will need the same thing...terific. I need a wheelchair.. I'm getting my tonsils out on Monday, the 30th. What a joy.... School starts the 7th. I'm half excited...half not excited. For one I'll still be recovering from surgery...and two...it's school. But the good news is I'll be excused from Gym for like a month!! lol. So NO MORE TORTURE!!! haha. Anyway I really have nothin else to say... Gina P.S. -Hopefully this year, I might just find a boyfriend lol. And I am allowed to date this year...hence I'm turning the big one six--(16)!! lol. I'm excited. 2004.07.11
Hm..Really? I wouldn't have guessed.  FROZEN QUEEN You dont want love to come through to you. You like it the way you are. To be unreachable, no need to show feelings. Hiding everything inside you. You are already used to it. You say yourself that you dont need anyone, that you stand on your own two feet or that you dont have time for these things. But in reality you are scared to get hurt. You feel save where you are: by yourself, nobody can hurt you there. You invent your own relationship in your dreams. You just need to know that you COULD get a partner. Thats it. ~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~ brought to you by Quizilla Hm.. I wonder why. Things are great with me. Yep. I'm on top of the world. Things have never been better...  Congratulations. You are the kiss my ass happy bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything. You must be so proud which happy bunny are you? brought to you by Quizilla But I don't know how I got that one...Coz God knows that aint true. .:-=Me=-:. 2004.07.09
After-math with Marrisha x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:55 PM]: Did you talk to JJ?
PeTitE MunKeE [3:55 PM]: yea PeTitE MunKeE [3:55 PM]: he admitted it all PeTitE MunKeE [3:55 PM]: thanks for letting me know x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:55 PM]: Your welcome. x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:56 PM]: Are you mad at him? PeTitE MunKeE [3:56 PM]: nope x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:56 PM]: Okay. PeTitE MunKeE [3:56 PM]: is this marrisha? x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:56 PM]: Yea. PeTitE MunKeE [3:56 PM]: well ur not typing like urself x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:57 PM]: better x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:57 PM]: lol PeTitE MunKeE [3:57 PM]: yea lol x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:57 PM]: i dunno i jus felt like typing all proper x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:57 PM]: lol x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:57 PM]: it feels all funny PeTitE MunKeE [3:57 PM]: lol PeTitE MunKeE [3:58 PM]: so whats new? x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:58 PM]: nothing.. bored... i am at my dads ...*rolls eyes* PeTitE MunKeE [3:58 PM]: lol PeTitE MunKeE [3:58 PM]: wheres ur dad live? in vineland? x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:59 PM]: bridgeton... but i might go to the movies tonight ... and jj told me to call him if i could go PeTitE MunKeE [3:59 PM]: kool x0x Sp0iledbrat [3:59 PM]: so I HOPE I CAN GO! PeTitE MunKeE [4:00 PM]: lol yea x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:00 PM]: lol... my dad is so damn strict PeTitE MunKeE [4:00 PM]: o well...ull be 18 soon x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:00 PM]: not soon enough x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:00 PM]: lol PeTitE MunKeE [4:00 PM]: lol yea same here PeTitE MunKeE [4:02 PM]: things with u n the J-man are all good right? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:02 PM]: i miss jj so damn much.. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:02 PM]: yea x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:02 PM]: lol PeTitE MunKeE [4:02 PM]: lol thats good x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:02 PM]: after spending ALLLLL DAY with him yesterday and then not being wit him today.. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:02 PM]: its killing me PeTitE MunKeE [4:03 PM]: id be worried if u guys were having a hard time...yea but dont worry...ull be fine x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:03 PM]: i hope so.. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:03 PM]: i get chances here and there to call him so thats good PeTitE MunKeE [4:03 PM]: yea PeTitE MunKeE [4:03 PM]: u guyses are gonna get married have kids... PeTitE MunKeE [4:04 PM]: and im not babysitting..lol x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:04 PM]: hahaha x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:04 PM]: no we will get someone else to babysit and u and ur boyfriend can come out wit us x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:04 PM]: lol PeTitE MunKeE [4:04 PM]: yea...if i can find one PeTitE MunKeE [4:05 PM]: lol x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:05 PM]: lol...aww... u will ... i have faith x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:05 PM]: ok gurlie well i g2g...ill talk to ya later x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:05 PM]: byes..xo...muahs PeTitE MunKeE [4:06 PM]: kk bye PeTitE MunKeE [4:06 PM]: lol atleast one of us has faith x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:06 PM]: aww... x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:06 PM]: u should too PeTitE MunKeE [4:06 PM]: lol yea..right PeTitE MunKeE [4:07 PM]: but yea ill ttul x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:07 PM]: kk byes PeTitE MunKeE [4:07 PM]: have fun tonight if u go PeTitE MunKeE [4:07 PM]: cya x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:07 PM]: THANX!! PeTitE MunKeE [4:07 PM]: welcome!! x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:07 PM]: lol PeTitE MunKeE [4:08 PM]: lol...tell ur man i said hi...if u wanna x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:08 PM]: i will ... x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:08 PM]: lol x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:08 PM]: ofcourse i wanna PeTitE MunKeE [4:08 PM]: lol k. if u say so PeTitE MunKeE [4:08 PM]: haha x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:08 PM]: u dont believe me ... im serious PeTitE MunKeE [4:09 PM]: i believe u. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:09 PM]: o ok... PeTitE MunKeE [4:09 PM]: i believed u b4..about JJ and see lol u were right x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:09 PM]: oo yea...lol...did he hesitate to admit it? PeTitE MunKeE [4:09 PM]: nope PeTitE MunKeE [4:09 PM]: lol PeTitE MunKeE [4:09 PM]: he came right out and said im tired of lying to u.. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:09 PM]: did he sound upset though that he did it? PeTitE MunKeE [4:10 PM]: yea...but who knows. hes got u now lol. PeTitE MunKeE [4:10 PM]: hell foreget about me and our friendship anyway so it doesnt matter. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:10 PM]: true... but i know thats not him to do that PeTitE MunKeE [4:10 PM]: what forget? PeTitE MunKeE [4:11 PM]: or cheat? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:11 PM]: no he wont... he never will x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:11 PM]: cheat PeTitE MunKeE [4:11 PM]: o..well he did x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:11 PM]: i know ....now do u see y i didnt trust u guys? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:11 PM]: i jus didnt wanna tell u PeTitE MunKeE [4:12 PM]: yea. but u shoulda. u n tim both waited till after we broke up to tell me and i coulda done something about it when we were still together...i mean..i even yelled at JJ for it. u know? just wish i woulda known sooner x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:13 PM]: yea i know and im sorry PeTitE MunKeE [4:13 PM]: its alright. dont worry about it. it doesnt bother me....i just feel like...i dunno. used and disgusting PeTitE MunKeE [4:13 PM]: i mean..what did he want me for if he knew he coula had u the whole time? PeTitE MunKeE [4:13 PM]: coulda* x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:15 PM]: no trust me... me and him had this convo.. and he sed he went out wit u because he liked you... and i know it was true because of the way he was when he talked to me .. and in the beginning of ur relationship he REALLY tried to push me away x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:15 PM]: because he really like u PeTitE MunKeE [4:16 PM]: oh. well...for him to do that he did a whole lot of showing it to me x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:16 PM]: huh? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:16 PM]: sry blonde moment PeTitE MunKeE [4:17 PM]: lol...no if he really liked me he had a pretty fucked up way of showing it. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:17 PM]: y is that? PeTitE MunKeE [4:17 PM]: well if he liked me so much...why did he cheat on me? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:18 PM]: lol...ooo... i got it... i dunno maybe he chose true love over puppy love... i dont really know... i think thats a question u should ask him... x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:18 PM]: (not to be igg) x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:18 PM]: dont take it the wrong way PeTitE MunKeE [4:19 PM]: i did...but his answer wasnt understandable. so ur saying that what he felt for me was puppy love? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:19 PM]: thats wut he sed.. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:19 PM]: actually he sed he never really loved u ... that mine and his love was real x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:20 PM]: thats y i sed puppy love.. x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:20 PM]: and u never know ours might be that too ... PeTitE MunKeE [4:20 PM]: well i aint even about to sweat it marrisha. he can make his own fuckin decision...why would urs be puppy love? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:20 PM]: make his own decision about wut? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:21 PM]: i dunno it jus might be .... u never know ... i dont think it is ..because i have really strong feelings for him PeTitE MunKeE [4:21 PM]: about who he loves and who he doesnt. PeTitE MunKeE [4:21 PM]: yea well so did i x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:22 PM]: im not saying u didnt love him i am saying HE SED he didnt really love u PeTitE MunKeE [4:23 PM]: i know i was just pointin out the facts x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:23 PM]: oo x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:24 PM]: alright ... well i dont feel like arguing with you... especially at this point ... and especially about love and jj and all that ... so ima go. PeTitE MunKeE [4:24 PM]: yea i know..but its not an argument PeTitE MunKeE [4:24 PM]: just 5 different sides and different opinions x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:24 PM]: ok PeTitE MunKeE [4:25 PM]: so anyway ill ttul x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:25 PM]: well im not signing off yet PeTitE MunKeE [4:25 PM]: o ok PeTitE MunKeE [4:27 PM]: wait..i have a question x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:27 PM]: yea? PeTitE MunKeE [4:27 PM]: lol. sorry PeTitE MunKeE [4:27 PM]: did he tell u he never loved me when he was with u or recently? x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:28 PM]: umm... this was like last month... maybe .. PeTitE MunKeE [4:28 PM]: o..aight x0x Sp0iledbrat [4:29 PM]: yea ... well ima go ...ttyl...byes PeTitE MunKeE [4:29 PM]: bye x0x Sp0iledbrat signed off at 4:29 PM Fun shit. Another reason to be mad at him. Gina-* 2004.07.08
And The Truth Comes Out... For some odd reason...I always think something went right when it actually went COMPLETELY wrong. Like with JJ. BIG MISTAKE. Well maybe not a big mistake but it was definitely an eye-opener. And the thing is...his g/f told me...not even him. He cheated on me with Marrisha...he said it was for like a week...and he also said he was being completely honest. So I believe him...I guess. I mean it was 2 people (Tim & Marrisha) aganist one (JJ). So either way...we all knew he did it before the truth came out (even tho he told the truth)...but I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Guess I'll never be enough for him. Thing is I'm just wondering why he'd ever do that to me if he says that he "loves" me so much. I asked him if he ever had any real feelings for me and he said yeah, and that he still does. Ok...does any of this connect in a way? Does it make sense to anyone? Coz it sure as hell doesn't for me. (I mean seriously..you can't love two ppl at once) Basically he confessed that he was never over Marrisha when he was with me...that he broke up with me to get back with her and that he cheated on me...more then once. If I was that important to him...he wouldn't have done that. And if he had, he would have confessed it to me himself, after he had did it. Not 10 years later...but you know like the next day. God, I just feel like an idiot. But I did get Marrisha back!!! haha (Me n her are on good terms now, and I hope to keep it that way.) I'm not mad at him at all. I just feel used. But I dunno...maybe not even used...happy. Oh, and definitely relieved. Now I have a real reason to let him go. (And I think I already did.) Gina 2004.06.28
Unwanted Emotions I guess since everybody says things happen for a reason....that maybe there really is some ulterior motive behind this thing with me. Yea, I admit it's VERY, VERY, VERY, hard...but things happen for a reason and maybe I'll find my reason soon. Least I hope I do.
Maybe things were just good in my imagination. But I don't think I could fake the feelings I felt. I know it wasn't lust coz, well...I didn't have those feelings until I was desperate when we broke up. (The FIRST-and FINAL-time) Maybe it was all a figment of my imagination. Maybe it was to prepare me for something greater and awesomer. I dunno...but what I do know is that my friends are way more important than any guy...and I knew that all along...but, I have a history of showing things the wrong way. You guys know that. (I'm sorry for all the shit I put you guyses thru. I really do love you all.)
I dunno...hopefully when I start seeing my friends more and start "working" I won't have so much time to think about all this EX-tra baggage. (<- <- Get it? haha. bad pun.) I really don't know what to think....but I do know that I need to shed these feelings. Seriously. We all know that love is BLIND but i think mine was the BLINDEST. Ugh. 4 months later and I'm still not over him (then again I dunno if you would count thsoe 4 months). Double Ugh. This sucks. I'm drowning in UNWANTED emotions. Someone save me...
The Last Resort,
Gina*
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